


This Version of Death

by No_Illusions



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, Google Translate Italian, Hurt/Comfort, Isolation, Kidnapping, M/M, Temporary Character Death, Whump, technically light on the comfort but it's implied
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:41:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28004838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/No_Illusions/pseuds/No_Illusions
Summary: The door slammed shut, and Nicky was alone.He wasn’t sure how long he sat there, staring at the door. He thought he was still saying Joe’s name, but wasn’t sure, wasn’t sure if he was whispering the word or yelling it or just imagining it so vividly that his throat ached with the pain of that one name. Yusuf.
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 4
Kudos: 226





	This Version of Death

**Author's Note:**

> Here, have some Nicky whump that I wrote a while ago but never posted.
> 
> Please forgive the google translate Italian. Translations are at the end of the work. If anything's wrong, feel free to let me know!
> 
> Title is from "Huck's Tune" by Bob Dylan. The full line is "this version of death called life."

Nicky tried to contain his panic as Joe was dragged away from him. Experience had taught him that it was often a bad idea to reveal how much Joe’s pain could hurt him, how desperately he needed to protect his husband. 

Joe was limp between the two men, hands and feet shackled like Nicky’s own, but he was still unconscious from whatever drugs they’d given him. They hadn’t needed to drug Nicky. He hadn’t put up much of a fight once it became clear that he couldn’t win, and his options were to be shot and left behind “dead” or to go along willingly with the men who already had Joe unconscious and drugged in the back of their van. And Nicky would always choose Joe over freedom, over anything. 

But he was having trouble suppressing his panic this time. It was the first time any of them had been taken since Merrick. (And the bitter irony that it was again him and Joe who were captured was a disgusting taste in the back of his mouth.) The horror of being experimented on, the visceral hurt at Booker’s betrayal, and the absolute devastation of Andy’s mortality welled up in Nicky until he thought he might vomit. 

“Joe!” he yelled, instincts screaming for his husband before he could remember not to show this weakness. “Joe! Where are you taking him?” Joe still hadn’t moved. They were almost at the door now. The guards didn’t even glance back.

“Yusuf, please!” Nicky begged, voice breaking on the name. “Joe! No,  _ Joe! _ ”

The door slammed shut, and Nicky was alone. 

He wasn’t sure how long he sat there, staring at the door. He thought he was still saying Joe’s name, but wasn’t sure, wasn’t sure if he was whispering the word or yelling it or just imagining it so vividly that his throat ached with the pain of that one name.  _ Yusuf. _

Their fear of separation had been overwhelming since Quynh had been taken from them -- been taken from Andy. Andy had told them once, drunk and weeping, about the last conversation she and Quynh had had.  _ “Just you and me.” “Until the end.”  _ How many times had he and Joe said something similar to each other? How many times had they promised each other they’d always be together? As though it was a promise they could keep. Nicky had had no right to promise such things, not when he’d just let Joe be dragged away from him, not when he’d let them be separated when Joe was drugged and helpless. 

Merrick had never separated them. It had been the one kind thing the man had ever done.

“Yusuf, per favore,” Nicky whispered. “Per favore, non lasciarmi qui senza di te.”

__

“Joe?” Nicky whispered. His parched lips cracked and healed, his throat rasped over the sound of his husband’s name. “Yusuf?”

Joe was there, standing in front of him, smiling. Nicky tried to reach for him, but his hands were shackled behind his back still. He’d forgotten about the shackles. It had been so long since he’d tried to move. 

Joe smiled at him, and disappeared. 

“No!” Nicky yelled, jerking forward, sagging towards the spot at the center of the cell where his husband had been. But he was too weak to stand, too weak even to drag himself away from the wall. 

The first time he’d died of dehydration in this cell, Nicky had noticed. That had been around day five, he thought. But after that he’d lost track, lost track of the deaths and the revivals as he repeatedly jerked back into the world with Yusuf’s name on his lips. 

Sometimes Joe was there, when he woke, only to fade away, leaving Nicky crying his name, chest heaving with dry sobs. 

Sometimes Nicky woke alone, and no matter how much he called, Joe never appeared. 

In his more lucid moments, Nicky knew that he was always alone, that the Joe in his cell was only a product of his dehydrated and starved mind. The cell door hadn’t opened once since they’d taken Joe away that first day. Nicky wondered if their captors had forgotten about him. He wondered if they’d forgotten about Joe too, left him alone somewhere, starving, or permanently drugged. He wondered how they were hurting Joe, and if Joe would ever forgive him for letting them. (But no, that was ridiculous. Yusuf had always forgiven him, for everything he’d ever done. Surely that wouldn’t stop now. Surely, surely,  _ please, please, please. _ )

“Yusuf, per favore, ritorno. Non lasciarmi qui da solo. Non partire senza di me. Per favore, Yusuf, amore mio, ti scongiuro.”

___

Once they’d stopped drugging him, it hadn’t taken Joe long to escape. No, that wasn’t the problem. The problem was Nicky.  _ Where was Nicky? _

Joe had cleared the building. Nicky wasn’t there. They must have separated them while Joe was unconscious ( _ useless _ , he told himself.  _ While I was useless. _ ), and moved one of them to a different location. 

Andy and Nile met up with him quickly, but even their combined efforts with Copley didn’t do much. 

_ Nicky. I’m so sorry. Perdonami. I will find you, I swear it. _

The men had only been after Joe, he knew. Nicky had been incidental. This was revenge for a job they’d pulled a few years back, but Nicky had spent that entire time in a sniper nest. No one had seen his face; only Joe’s. They didn’t need to take Nicky. And once they did take him, they didn’t need him anymore. So they’d left him somewhere. Joe just didn’t know where. 

_ Perdonami, Nicolo. _

___

It took them three months. Three months from the day they were taken, to when Joe shoved open the metal door to the storage room in the abandoned warehouse, Nile and Andy at his back. 

“Nicky?” Joe called into the dark. 

The light from the open doorway fell on a huddled figure. 

“ _ Nicolo _ .” Joe stumbled forward, dropping his gun and trusting Andy and Nile to cover his back. Nicky stared at him dully, but didn’t move towards him. 

“Nicky?” Joe asked again, hesitant now. 

“Joe.” Nicky’s voice was hoarse. His lips bled as he opened his mouth. “Joe, aiutami, non lasciarmi qui senza di te, ti scongiura.”

“Nicky, I would never leave without you. I’m sorry it took so long, we’re here now, we would never leave you here. Please forgive me.”

“Questo  è quello che dici sempre.”

From the door, Nile gave a choked sob. She had been studying Italian with Nicky before all this happened, and she’d been careful to keep practicing.  _ “For when he gets home, _ ” she’d always say, squeezing Joe’s hand.

But Joe made a sound like he’d been punched in the gut, and he stumbled forwards, hands reaching out to cup Nicky’s face.

“No, amore mio, I’m here, I won’t leave you, I swear it.”

For the first time, Nicky moved. He lifted his head, although his whole body trembled with the effort. He stared into Joe’s face, eyes intent and searching. 

“You’re real?” he asked. 

“Yes,” Joe whispered. “Yes, I’m real, my love.”

And Nicky made a sound like a wounded animal, throwing himself towards Joe as Joe opened his arms and enveloped his husband in a hug, clutching at him as though their lives depended on it. 

“I’ll never leave you,” Joe promised.

And, for the first time in three months, Nicky let himself believe it.

**Author's Note:**

> Translations (from Google translate, so let me know if they're wrong!!):
> 
> Per favore = please   
> non lasciarmi qui senza di te = Don’t leave me here without you.  
> Per favore, ritorno. Non lasciarmi qui da solo. Non partire senza di me. Per favore, Yusuf, amore mio, ti scongiuro. = Please, come back. Don’t leave me here alone. Don’t leave without me. Please, Yusuf, my love, I beg you.  
> Perdonami. = Forgive me.  
> Aiutami. = help me.  
> Questo è quello che dici sempre. = That’s what you always say.


End file.
